I wanted to
reach through the television and strangle her little bony neck. I longed to just slap her into tomorrow as I
labored through her terrible little I’m-a-cute-girl voice. She stirred feelings
of deep hate inside of me as I watched her complain, bitch and WHINE…
About her Property Brothers, HGTV FREE home renovation
in her $710,000 home!!!
Where do
these people come from? Who raises these
ungrateful little snots?
I punched
the pause button on the clicker to temporarily silence her tiresome complaints
and headed to the kitchen for some ice tea.
As I wacked the ice maker button to make it work (redneck trick y’all) I
wondered if maybe I’d just become too simple.
After all, I woke up with running water this morning (although slow
because our water pressure is iffy in this 1890s farmhouse)
While I was in the
kitchen I stopped by our very rustic laundry room to check on the dryer, yep, I
needed to open and close the door again and give it a good thump. EEEEeeeeeekkkkkkkk
thu-da da da da dump. That’s the sound
it makes back at me when we go through this but I have already had my
Come-to-Jesus moment with it once this year.
I calmly explained it was the range/oven/cookey thingy’s year to be
replaced and Mr. Clothes Dryer, you can just get back in line. You can cut in front of Mr. Refridgerator who
is as ugly as sin and will likely survive the apocalypse.
So you
understand my disgust that this young 20-something’s behavior and ungrateful
like attitude at the lovely FREE help she was getting in re-making an ENTIRE
HOME to fulfill her very desire and wish.
I felt so sorry for her handsome but-balding-way-too-early husband. I’m already Team Husband at this point but I
figure the man must be some kind of saint to live with this day in and day out.
“Ewe, I can
NOT live in a house with a bathroom like that!
I can NOT! That will NOT be OK”
she heavily breathes into the camera as she licks her lips to make sure
she looks Kardashian sexy while protesting.
You would have thought the Property Brothers were asking her to set up
her domicile in a dirt floor African hut complete with a colony of flies and a
village of Ebola patients in the next village over.
“My MUST
haves for the bathroom include a bathtub, shower (but a SPA rain forest like
shower, it must be SPA like) double vanity sinks although it is going to be MY
bathroom, HE has to have his own bathroom.
I’m not sharing because my mom told me the secret to a happy marriage is
SEPARATE bathrooms, AND a BIDET!!” (A
bidet is a fancy little floor sink thing that splashes water up in your private
parts so you feel fresh after you do your bathroom biz)
“That’s all
I need, really!” B gurl finishes up her requirement list and shoots a look at
her hubby who really seems afraid to disagree with her as if she is a terrorist
with her arms around his dear mother’s neck and a bomb strapped to her. Speaking of Mothers, I’ll get back to that
later.
The couple
wanted a New York lofty feel to their suburban home which was actually about
three and a half feet from their neighbor’s.
They insisted upon tearing out a wall to expose the exposed brick, very
trendy, hip and lofty. Ok. So the hard working team did not find any
exposed brick when tearing out a wall so they did a faux brick wall
instead. That’s fine and dandy but seems
a little tasky when they could’ve just dealt with the wall they had. Earlier, the poor hubby had mentioned they
just got married and were waaaaaaaaaaaay over budget, and I’m kinda starting to
understand how and why.
When they
finished and showed the beautiful before and after shots with the cool computer
generated animation of the project, it did look very nice. But I wondered how happy of a home that would
really end up being ten years from now.
Sure they have a beautiful home in which to entertain friends and
family, but if she doesn’t do some serious RENOVATION on her attitude and get
some gratitude, she won’t be able to pay folks to sit in her swanky, hip, lofty
living room.
I’m about
two hissy fits away from thinking I’m having the big one, the nervous breakdown
many days when we have water leaking in the basement and something big breaks
around here. I think I’d love to have
one of those homes you see all gussied up and renovated on those shows. Then I remember that most days I have it
good. I have a bed to sleep in, family
who loves me, cats who catch barn mice, dogs who greet me with slobbery kisses,
a Honda that starts right up, friends who will carry a casserole to my house on
a moment’s notice if one of us is sick, a great church family, nice hair, I can
touch my toes and still run a 9-and-a-half-minute mile, and a Savior who died
on the cross for my sins. Which is good
because I called that little B a few non-Christian like things in my head while
watching that episode. And I realize
that she doesn’t get it. Her mama told
her the key to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms and if that’s her big
worry, life will be very difficult and dark for this girl.
I hope I get
it. Even if I don’t get a renovated home,
I have a lot. Really …a lot!
~Carry on
Anne Boswell
Taylor
#PropertyBrothers #HGTV #Gratitude
#PropertyBrothers #HGTV #Gratitude
