Sixteen lonely miles. 

It's almost exactly the distance of the time spent driving when I would pick up my phone to call my mom.
It was on my way home.
It was a time to talk about the day and ask about hers.
I have a silent ride home now.
No music fills it.

It's been seven months and five days since mom never again opened her eyes.
I miss her almost continually but some days are better than others
I always wondered what it would be like when those above you had gone.
I am, after all, now the one at the top.
It's an odd feeling.

And today my dad would've celebrated his 98th trip around the sun.
Even though they were divorced, mom would've had something to say about it.
So it's today on HIS birthday that I am missing her very much and I'm not sure I understand that at all.
It really doesn't make a lot of sense, it's Dad's birthday, not hers.
Hers will come at the end of September and maybe I'll miss him on her birthday.
I'm still sorting this out but once thing I'm sure of,

Sixteen miles and a lonely drive home.

~Anne Boswell Taylor
July 28th, 2019

Sundays are the worst, but so are Wednesdays...

Sundays are the worst!

They used to be the best.
I am still learning my new normal without my mom.
It's still new.
It's still hard.
Most days are easier because I fill them up with busy.
I fill my days with the "Protestant work ethic" of which mom spoke.
"Work hard. Work until it's done and then work some more."
"It won't kill you," she said.

Sundays are the worst!
She's gone.
I'm still working.
I'm still hurting.
I used to call her everyday on the trip home.
I would hit the edge of town and turn east rolling past tiny farms.
I would voice dial her to just say hello and ask how she is.
I am 524 miles, one right and one left turn away from the place I want to be.

Sundays are the worst.
I used to spend a lot of time with her on Sundays.
We would go to church, then lunch.
Mom died on a Sunday.
Ironic since that's when we lived the most.

Mom loved to worship on Sundays.
She loved to sing hymns, see friends, eat lunch after church.
She always had gum, candy and tissues in her purse.
She wore Lauren cologne by Ralph Lauren.
She always dressed up.

Sundays were the best!

Sundays are the worst!

~Anne