I've woken up to dogs jumping on me, a cat walking all over my face and my 40-something bladder telling me it's time "to go" but I've never really woken up to grief, well at least not in a great long while. 

As I sit here giving my grief its first cup of coffee I still feel numb.  Two nights ago in the middle of the night there were 918 area code calls coming into my phone.  Because we're adults now and we sleep, that's not a normal thing.  The news I got was far was normal.  Now, I live with this new normal.  Mom is gone.  Died on Christmas Eve.

She was encouraging me to believe she was getting better and even called Friday night during Hannah's basketball game.  Amid distractions I spoke to her, told her Hannah was in the game now and explained to her in my best yet very terrible attempt at play by play what was going on.  She said she's meeting with more doctors.  She felt encouraged that she was able to put weight on a foot and felt that therapy was helping even if it was hard on her weakened body.

*Sigh* Really. Really I wanted to believe that. So I did.  And at Christmastime, you believe in all sorts of miracles because you just do.  

Sometime this week, we'll say goodbye one final time on this earth in Tulsa, the city she loved so much.  She will rest next to her dad, her brother, her grandparents and others in the family. 

I have many friends who make posts about losing parents.   It's just that time.  We are in that season of our lives.  No one prepares you for this and I suppose everyone's grief is as unique as their fingerprints.  This is that awkward time in the post where this should be ending. So I guess that's what I'll do.  There are no news casts to write on Christmas Day, nothing to edit and nothing to update.  Til next time...........
Appreciate your parents if you're lucky enough to still have them.