I've woken up to dogs jumping on me, a cat walking all over my face and my 40-something bladder telling me it's time "to go" but I've never really woken up to grief, well at least not in a great long while. 

As I sit here giving my grief its first cup of coffee I still feel numb.  Two nights ago in the middle of the night there were 918 area code calls coming into my phone.  Because we're adults now and we sleep, that's not a normal thing.  The news I got was far was normal.  Now, I live with this new normal.  Mom is gone.  Died on Christmas Eve.

She was encouraging me to believe she was getting better and even called Friday night during Hannah's basketball game.  Amid distractions I spoke to her, told her Hannah was in the game now and explained to her in my best yet very terrible attempt at play by play what was going on.  She said she's meeting with more doctors.  She felt encouraged that she was able to put weight on a foot and felt that therapy was helping even if it was hard on her weakened body.

*Sigh* Really. Really I wanted to believe that. So I did.  And at Christmastime, you believe in all sorts of miracles because you just do.  

Sometime this week, we'll say goodbye one final time on this earth in Tulsa, the city she loved so much.  She will rest next to her dad, her brother, her grandparents and others in the family. 

I have many friends who make posts about losing parents.   It's just that time.  We are in that season of our lives.  No one prepares you for this and I suppose everyone's grief is as unique as their fingerprints.  This is that awkward time in the post where this should be ending. So I guess that's what I'll do.  There are no news casts to write on Christmas Day, nothing to edit and nothing to update.  Til next time...........
Appreciate your parents if you're lucky enough to still have them. 

Tethered

Say the word tether and I'll bet you think of an animal tied up with a rope.

In radio we were all so happy to go wireless with a lot of our equipment and it was so freeing not having cables and cords.  However, it is not without issues because sometimes the connection just doesn't make it and sometimes that line or tether creates the best and clearest sound. It is dependable to have a tether in electronics.

It is practical in other parts of life as well.

There are some tethers that I sometimes miss.  I miss the old fashioned phone cord tether.  Yes, the phones that you couldn't walk all over the place with but rather had to sit your fanny down and actually talk to someone.  A conversation.  No one calls me anyone just to talk, they'd rather text or FB, constantly attached to that electronic tether. 
 
There are times when I feel I have some attention problems but concentrating sometimes just isn't creative.  I play through all of these thoughts on a recent run in the neighborhood near our radio station.  I run past a cemetery, now those folks are surely tethered.  I think about how we had a leash law in Colorado Springs for our dogs, tethered.  Tethered for the dog's safety and everyone else too.  You wouldn't want to have to worry about a dog bite when you're out for a run or walk, right.  Tethered. 

We come into this world tethered to our moms and the cord must be cut.  We are tethered to our families until we go out into this big bright world alone, cord cut....tether gone.

Now I feel as though another tether has been cut or is certainly on its way to be cut.  Peanut got her driving learner's permit this week and she's that much closer to being gone.  So much Mama sadness realizing it is just closer every day.

 Making reference to the radio paragraph above, sometimes when the tether is gone the signal is lost.  But also with families and relationships too.  When there is no longer something holding us in place we must actually work harder to stay connected.  I feel like we should do a better job at making those connections as if there is a tether.  Make them clear, strong, dependable!

~Anne Taylor